August 15, 2011

What's Actually In My Bag

If you are like me you don't give much of a shit about what is being toted around inside the purses of other ladies. The contents of a purse are personal. I recall growing up that wallets and bags were sacred places. To look inside someone else's was a violation.

When I bought resale clothing to pay the bills, a bag was a potential hazard to be handled with care. Who knows what could be lurking in the dark recesses of leather or pleather? And oh, the things we found. Bags also acquire a smell, a combination of the owner's essence and the contents bleeding into the crevices. I'm much more aware of the previous owner of a used bag than a used garment. It seems to take longer to make a used bag your own.

But this is my used bag, the one I've carried the most frequently this year. Inside are my things. Last night the contents were all exposed, because I was moving them from a day backpack (we went to the woods) back into this black leather bag. It was during that moment of exposure, with the contents of my bag scattered on our bed, that Michael laughingly insisted that I "do one of those posts where you arrange everything from your bag!" The joke here is that the true contents of my bag are slightly embarrassing.

So without further ado, I present to you, the contents of my bag arranged neatly and photographed.

 We have here (clockwise from top):
  • Newest sunglasses, Vintage Ray Bans 
  • Peet's coffee thingy from Michael's morning coffee. I don't save these. I'm a little fuzzy on how and why it came back home with us.
  • One playtex regular absorbency tampon, unscented
  • One iphone
  • Pack of spearmint Orbitz, approx. 4 months old
  • CDG wallet, birthday gift :)
  • Ortho tri-cyclen lo for prevention of unwanted humans. iPhone assists here with daily alarm.
  • Used Kleenex tissue #1. I just don't see the sense in throwing these out after only one use to dab at my daily excess nostril moisture. It's not snot, it's condensation. Brought on by changes of temperature or excess wind. Scientific fact.
  • 2 Hair elastics
  • 3 Bobby pins. And let me get this straight, you UK gurls call these "Kirby Grips"? Is that right?
  • Empty water bottle from breakfast (burrito) purchase
  • Yet another hair holding device, a tiny claw clip
  • 3 Naturacare applicator free, regular absorbency tampons. These are much preferred to the Playtex, ladies: Organic unbleached all pure and natural cotton for your vag. I guess I keep that old synthetic cancer 'pon in case I'm in a situation where going applicator free seems unwise. I waver on my hippiedom. 
  • Heavily used Burt's Bees basic minty lip balm
  • Old wadded up napkin: I typically have a grip of these on hand, in addition to the Kleenex. It's my way of not having to actually buy more tiny Kleenex too often. I take a paper napkin or 3 in my purse when leaving any restaurant or cafe. Always be prepared, that's my thinking.
  • Currently using Burt's Bess hand cream. Must. Always. Have. Lotion.
  • Hot pink tape measure. Yes, I carry a tape measure with me. 
  • Another Kleenex, you get the picture.
  • House keys
  • Lint
  • Another Orbitz, this one even older I believe. Berrymint or some shit. I don't like gum.
  • Preparation H Totables. Because a certain kind of relief can only be provided by the soothing powers of witch hazel and aloe.
  • Mini Kleenex pack you've been hearing so much about
  • Pilot G2, .05. A great cheap pen. 
  • Sephora mauve lip gloss/stick. Wait, make that "Sephora LIP ATTITUDE in GLAMOUR."
Repacked and ready to get on with my glamo(u)rous life:

I threw out the water bottle and coffee thing. But those napkins and Kleenex are definitely still good.


Veshoevius said...

Kudos! I'm SO glad to see someone was finally brutally honest about all the crap that we normally stick in our bags - I was getting a bit sick of seeing all these neat contents of perfect items in perfect bags plastered all of the internet - I was wondering if I was the only freak with squashed receipts, rotting fruit and leaking pens in mine, oh and mine is full of used kleenex too!

VANESSA said...

i shudder just thinking about laying out my own purse. i have way way too many crumpled up receipts hanging around these days.

love your blog!

Samantha said...

I've always enjoyed your posts but I think this particular one is one of the best things I've read on the internet ;)

ellen said...

I love this sooooo much.

sight said...

Great post, your bag seems so much more believable than most "this is my bag" posts out there!

Claudette said...

if i were to do one of these posts (with the same brilliant honesty as yours), it would have to include a shot of the bag's interior to show the stains from make-up/lotion stuffs that always inevitably spill inside + a moleskine planner that never gets any use except pick to said stains + eek, cigs.

Chuck said...

Thank gosh, I thought I was the only woman whose handbag was full of tampons! The internet paints a warped picture...


Finally an honest bag dump. I'm skeptical when girls have not one shred of trash. Albeit mine is kept in a convenient tin...that I also keep my gum in. OCD is both a blessing and a curse.

ps. My friends call me Mary Poppins when it comes to my bag. Tape measure is a must!

kittenmasks said...

LOL, I got excited when I saw the coffee cozy because I carry those around in my bag. Then I read it wasn't purposeful, so...

Mel said...

oh how funny, since 2 months I'm also a proud owner of a CDG wallet, and it was a birthday gift too! :)

Susie said...

Well, I'm very happy that for at least 10 of you so far this level of honesty was more humorous than gross. Thanks :)

blue roses said...

i have the same exact bag from an estate sale near my apartment! love it.....

great catalogue of your items....

reminds me of the mother in amelie.

QHYAPPLE said...

anyone can hate. It costs to love.It’s nice to be important, but it’s more important to be nice.

Tera gold
Tera items

BioBebop said...

Hippies more likely to be using a reusable cloth pad. I unintentionally discovered their existence in the dryer one day in college. I'll spare the details, but it took me far too long to figure out what the hell it was...

DREAMY said...

I LOVE how honest your bag contents post is.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for keeping it real. I share your habit of collecting used tissues and restuarant napkins in my purse -- not to mention numerous assorted crumpled receipts and post-it notes. As a result, I have always found the ubiquitious "what's in my purse" posts both alienating and ridiculous. Very funny!