November 18, 2010

A few words

For the past week, I have dealt with increasing pain in my foot. I'm not sure what's wrong and I can't fully describe it without accompanying hand-motions to clarify. At first, I ignored the pain, thinking it would go away, but it has only intensified and spread to my back and shoulders.

Today I bought a bandage, and I wrapped my foot. It decreased the pain, and I can take semi-normal steps again. The pain is not gone entirely, but it hurts less and I think I'll be able to go on about my life.

There's a strange parallel here to my blog, and I'm still trying to work that out.

I want to take this opportunity to change my official position on the questionnaire Susie posted last week. I scoffed at the LiveJournal-y nature of it because it felt too much like a chain letter. I have since realized that the questions have the power to open up conversation across friends real and digital while helping to define what this space means, and I've decided to recant my earlier position and answer one question specifically.

Why do you blog?

I consider my portion of this blog to be a forum for thoughts, interests, and ideas I have that would otherwise go unexpressed. I use this place as a sounding board for things that I can't or don't talk about face to face with anyone, but still feel are valuable enough to merit discussion. The open comments section is testament to this, as is the nature of the posts, generally written so as to invite the thoughts and opinions of others.

I've been asked about what defines success for this blog. I think success is publication. Failure is unshared drafts and ideas that never get typed out. Writing itself is the goal here. I've become accustomed to the lack of social interaction that is my current life situation. I realize that I need interaction not only to flourish, but also to get through the day-to-day. This post may not generate double digit comments, but the ones that do provide me with something that I otherwise lack yet undoubtedly need.

Furthermore, I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel here. There are enough blogs out there that people can go to if they want to fetishize products or masturbate. I'm trying to talk about real shit that matters to me and I recognize that there is a small but interested group of people out there that are reading. I owe it to myself to keep publishing and continue the conversation.

I also write to find my singular vision. I find that the blogs I enjoy following all have a singularity of vision or voice, and they provide something to the world that no one else does or can. When I read a post and can see something in it that is undoubtedly its author's own, that excites me. I feel like I've made a connection with someone through their writing. That is something I'm inspired to achieve in my own writing.

One more issue I'd like to address is that this is not a fashion blog. What it is may be up for debate, but I'd like to think that the people reading this are not just here to find fashion inspiration, but are more interested in the discussions that go beyond the editorials, and the questions that are raised about each other and the world around us. Of course we have an interest in fashion, but we are interested from a perspective that asks questions and challenges our surroundings, in the hopes of finding new ideas and connections. Anyone can post an editorial. We strive to go beyond that.

The nagging thought that something needs to change is not an inconvenient coincidence--it is the symptom of my unexpressed thoughts and ideas. The blog is my bandage. It provides the forum for me to take those steps, painful or scary as they may be. To ignore my ideas, or to get stuck in self-doubt is to succumb to failure. This blog is my solution to that problem.

So much for avoiding LiveJournal-dom. Hopefully next time I can be more funny. Thanks for reading.


Cory said...

I like the way you describe that "singularity of vision", that's the sort of concentrated essence that catches my interest and that I hope to cultivate in my own writing/blogging. Well not just writing because it's a comprehensive thing that sort of applies to everything but you know what I mean, something that unifies potentially disparate topics and subject matter.

Is your foot pain in the heel and bottom of the foot? Does it hurt most when you first wake up/take your first steps out of bed because if so, that's plantar fasciitis which I've been dealing with that for the past couple months and you might want to see a physiotherapist.

Oh and from your main page, this post only looks like it's a few sentences long, I guess most of the text is under a page break which is usually denoted with "Read more" or something but you can't see it without clicking the post title...if that makes sense.

Lorena said...

I'm glad you changed your mind and decided to answer, the first question is the only one that really matters anyway.

Your (and Susie's) writing is what attracted me to your blog when I first discovered it. At the time, I had mostly been exposed to the more popular blogs and reading your posts and thoughts was so refreshing compared to everything else I'd seen. I feel like your blog offers something different and that's why it's one of my favorites. Many of the questions you've discussed here have made me think about and question my choices, you've inspired me to want to understand myself and others better.

The 'what defines success' question is a complicated one but I love your answer. For me, writing is important not only to try and sharpen my skills and work on my vocabulary but also because I'm worried about my writing regressing. I worry that if I don't put in the time and effort to write, that one day I'll be incapable of articulating my thoughts at all.

Michael said...

Hey guys, thanks for the notes.

Cory: It's a ball of the foot pain. A ball pain. Feels like the tendon is spazzing out every time I take a step, as if it's going up and around the bone of my big toe from the bottom. Like I said, there are accompanying hand motions but I don't do youtubes so you're gonna have to imagine it.

Also I think I fixed the posts. We've been playing experimental internet nerds with the blog lately so these types of things may be more common in the coming weeks.

Lorena: Thank you for the compliment. That's always what we hope to provide, but you can never really be sure that's what you're offering until you hear it back.

And I doubt you'll ever lose the ability to express yourself entirely, but I would definitely agree that years of drinking/occasional extracurriculars have melted away what was once a powerful thought-crunching machine. You're getting a heavily-diluted version of the original, my apologies.

Jessica Sue said...

I second everything you said about why you blog. I keep a blog for pretty much the same reasons and feel just about the same. I've been reading Loveship for a while now and I read every post and I appreciate the discussion and words more than anything. It's refreshing.

hereisafantasylikenowhereelse said...

I don't tell this to everyone I know, but even if I had never met you two in person, I would still follow your blog. Susie mentioned to me the other day (not IRL)that she's committed to the labor of what she does. I think that your blog contains such vivid writing and clarity of voice because of this focus on the labor of writing, thinking, doing, choosing outfits, making a life with another(s) - and because you say shit like "crazy ass shit," phrases that just come out of your mouth IRL. Anyways, I also like your blog because I'm a big fan of the idea of "the secret life of objects," that objects, clothes, etcetera are never just that, but they have a life of their own that we give to them and in return, our lives are just as influenced by the objects that surround us.

Mike: Can you start posting to Livejournal? I bet you still have one. You can start making really ranty, personal posts and then I'm sure it could turn into an Internet meme or a very important work of art.