For the past week, I have dealt with increasing pain in my foot. I'm not sure what's wrong and I can't fully describe it without accompanying hand-motions to clarify. At first, I ignored the pain, thinking it would go away, but it has only intensified and spread to my back and shoulders.
Today I bought a bandage, and I wrapped my foot. It decreased the pain, and I can take semi-normal steps again. The pain is not gone entirely, but it hurts less and I think I'll be able to go on about my life.
There's a strange parallel here to my blog, and I'm still trying to work that out.
I want to take this opportunity to change my official position on the questionnaire Susie posted last week. I scoffed at the LiveJournal-y nature of it because it felt too much like a chain letter. I have since realized that the questions have the power to open up conversation across friends real and digital while helping to define what this space means, and I've decided to recant my earlier position and answer one question specifically.
Why do you blog?
I consider my portion of this blog to be a forum for thoughts, interests, and ideas I have that would otherwise go unexpressed. I use this place as a sounding board for things that I can't or don't talk about face to face with anyone, but still feel are valuable enough to merit discussion. The open comments section is testament to this, as is the nature of the posts, generally written so as to invite the thoughts and opinions of others.
I've been asked about what defines success for this blog. I think success is publication. Failure is unshared drafts and ideas that never get typed out. Writing itself is the goal here. I've become accustomed to the lack of social interaction that is my current life situation. I realize that I need interaction not only to flourish, but also to get through the day-to-day. This post may not generate double digit comments, but the ones that do provide me with something that I otherwise lack yet undoubtedly need.
Furthermore, I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel here. There are enough blogs out there that people can go to if they want to fetishize products or masturbate. I'm trying to talk about real shit that matters to me and I recognize that there is a small but interested group of people out there that are reading. I owe it to myself to keep publishing and continue the conversation.
I also write to find my singular vision. I find that the blogs I enjoy following all have a singularity of vision or voice, and they provide something to the world that no one else does or can. When I read a post and can see something in it that is undoubtedly its author's own, that excites me. I feel like I've made a connection with someone through their writing. That is something I'm inspired to achieve in my own writing.
One more issue I'd like to address is that this is not a fashion blog. What it is may be up for debate, but I'd like to think that the people reading this are not just here to find fashion inspiration, but are more interested in the discussions that go beyond the editorials, and the questions that are raised about each other and the world around us. Of course we have an interest in fashion, but we are interested from a perspective that asks questions and challenges our surroundings, in the hopes of finding new ideas and connections. Anyone can post an editorial. We strive to go beyond that.
The nagging thought that something needs to change is not an inconvenient coincidence--it is the symptom of my unexpressed thoughts and ideas. The blog is my bandage. It provides the forum for me to take those steps, painful or scary as they may be. To ignore my ideas, or to get stuck in self-doubt is to succumb to failure. This blog is my solution to that problem.
So much for avoiding LiveJournal-dom. Hopefully next time I can be more funny. Thanks for reading.